Friday, July 11, 2008

Two wheels bad, four wheels good...

So, for the past week I have been riding my motorcycle to work. I know what you're thinking, riding a motorcycle to work in sunny California seems like every one's dream, right? Wrong! As beautiful as the scenery may be, the driver's aren't quite as appealing. Idiocy behind the wheel reigns supreme!

Having spent many months on the back of David's bike, I had witnessed the complete and utter disrespect, and inconsideration motorists had for motorcyclists. David's bike is over twice the size of mine, and people seemed to never see it. It made me nervous to get on my bike, and apparently rightfully so.

In the past week I have had drivers attempt to share lanes with me, stop for no damn good reason, cut me off, drive 20+ MPH under the speed limit and block any attempt by me to pass, stop as close to the lane divider as they could so I couldn't split lanes, and just generally be jerks. Apparently a chick on a bike is something to be threatened by, even if it is a little 250.

However, I have seen some good. I pulled over once to fix my helmet and pull out my sun glasses, and another motorcyclist stopped to make sure I was OK. I have gotten plenty of smiles, waves, and compliments from other motorcyclists. I have had some motorists wave me on past them, around them, and to go ahead of them.

Thus far I've only had one bizarre moment.... a guy meowed at me. Yes, he meowed at me. I was sitting at a stop light and I thought I heard a cat meowing. Thinking it might be from the car next to me, I looked over, and the driver was staring at me... meowing. I just looked away, and eagerly took off when the light turned green.

I have also had this cool little old school VW bug whom I see nearly everyday on my way home who likes to race me down Oakland Rd. A lot of fun, pretty cool, but I whomp on him every time.

I do have some regrets right now. Everyday when I take my breaks at work, I no longer have my car to nap in or smoke in. This heat wave in the bay area has been causing my bike to overheat, which really sucks. This heat wave has also made it impossible for me to wear my jacket, which makes me really nervous. Not wearing my jacket this morning really sucked, I froze on the way to work. Oh well, it woke me up.

So how do I feel about this new world of motorcyclists and motorists I have entered. I'm not quite sure. I enjoy riding my bike, but I want to kill motorists. I think California should make a motorcycle lane. Yep, that would be a GREAT idea. But, never gonna happen. Oh well....

I live to ride another day!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Worst Wedding Dresses of All Time...

So as we are all well aware, I am getting married in what is now, less than a month. This has made me extremely nervous, and to rid myself of some of the stress I have been collecting, I have thought to make light of marriage, specifically THE DRESSES.

Everyone woman prides herself on her dress. The beauty, the uniqueness, the individuality. Well, the dresses found below, someone needs to slap the wearer along with her maid of honor. All I can say is WTF?!?!

There are many things wrong here, and it's not just the dress. I know it's heard for plus sized women to find a nice dress, but this looks like she just wrapped herself in a bed sheet and called it a dress. This thing is HORRIBLE. And her groom... well... at least she loves him!

THIS IS A DESIGNER DRESS. Can you believe it? Someone needs to find the designer and beat some sense into him. If I was that model, I think I would have purposely fallen and broken my neck before hitting the stage. I would not have been seen in that thing, ever, not even for a million dollars. Well... maybe.... hmmmm....

Well, somehow I think in California we're going to be seeing more and more of this with the recent lift of the ban on gay marriage. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. There is something humorous about a large man in a dress, but the body hair kinda creeps me out. I think the vote is still out on this one!

So she's pregnant, and proud, BUT GOD DAMN!!! I don't want to be staring at your big pregnant belly while I am trying to eat at the reception. I don't feel like being blinded by stretch marks thank you!

Little bit of a sports nut are we? Or was this the husbands idea? Makes ya wonder....

EWWWWWWWWWWWW.............. 'nuff said!

She looks like a giant dildo, a suppository, a tampon, or a condom. Any other ideas? No matter, very phallic....

So this dress looks really cool, from a distance, then you realize it is MADE OF CONDOMS. Imagine this, you are dancing under the bright lights at your wedding, when something begins to drip off of you and your dress. You mother walks up... "Dear, you're sweating horribly..." And then she realizes, it's not sweat.... IT'S LUBE!!! Ewwww....

This dress is made of BALLOONS. Yeah again, pretty cool! But wait until the best man gets drunk and decides to start popping your dress. Not so cool anymore huh?

Another condom dress..... EWWWWWW......

I'm not even sure what this is made of. That funny packing tape maybe? I'm not sure. But it's horrible. Why god, why?

I think this is made of yarn. A cat's delight? What the hell is wrong with people?

All of these dresses are just horrible. I pray my dress doesn't end up someone's list like this. Save me...

Monday, July 7, 2008

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words

Phobia (FO-bee-ah): a persistent irrational fear of an object, situation, or activity that the person feels compelled to avoid.

People are an odd sort of creature, being afraid of some of the most benign things. I will admit, I have two VERY WEIRD phobias, that I realize are pointless, and very much benign, yet still, I have them. I am very much afraid of butterflies and hummingbirds. Don't ask, both are a very long story and I don't feel like going into it right now!

Anyway, I found a list of some odd phobias, and here they go, some of my favorites.

Ablutophobia- Fear of washing or bathing
Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth.
Barophobia- Fear of gravity
Chromatophobia- Fear of colors
Cibophobia- Fear of food
Clinophobia- Fear of going to bed
Deciophobia- Fear of making decisions (I think David suffers from this, lol)
Dextrophobia- Fear of objects at the right side of the body
Eleutherophobia- Fear of freedom
Geliophobia- Fear of laughter
Geniophobia- Fear of chins
Genuphobia- Fear of knees
Geumaphobia- Fear of taste
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words
Leukophobia- Fear of the color white
Levophobia- Fear of objects to the left side of the body
Melanophobia- Fear of the color black
Melophobia- Fear of music
Metrophobia- Fear of poetry
Mnemophobia- Fear of memories
Mottephobia- Fear of moths (Very much close to my fear of butterflies!)
Ommetaphobia- Fear of eyes
Oneirophobia- Fear of dreams
Ophthalmophobia- Fear of opening one’s eyes
Panophobia- Fear of everythingXanthophobia- Fear of the color yellow

I continued on my hunt for more odd phobias, and found a site that claims all of their phobias are science recognized ones, cool!!! So here are some that are supposedly science recognized:

Ablutophobia- Fear of washing or bathing.
(wow! It is real!!!)
Agateophobia- Fear of insanity.
Agyrophobia- Fear of streets or crossing the street.
Ailurophobia- Fear of cats.
Alektorophobia- Fear of chickens.
Alliumphobia- Fear of garlic.
Allodoxaphobia- Fear of opinions.
Androphobia or Arrhenphobia- Fear of men. (must be only lesbians >.< )
Anuptaphobia- Fear of staying single.
Aulophobia- Fear of flutes. (wow, this is real too, COOL!!!)
Botanophobia- Fear of plants.
Bromidrosiphobia or Bromidrophobia- Fear of body smells.
Cacophobia- Fear of ugliness. (BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!)
Caligynephobia- Fear of beautiful women. (OMG, THIS TOPS FEAR OF UGLINESS!!!)
Chrometophobia or Chrematophobia- Fear of money.
Coitophobia- Fear of coitus. (OMG! OMG! Too good… too good!)
Coprastasophobia- Fear of constipation.
Coprophobia- Fear of feces. (I’m dying here, constipation, then feces… WOW!)
Coulrophobia- Fear of clowns.
Cypridophobia or Cypriphobia or Cyprianophobia or Cyprinophobia - Fear of prostitutes or venereal disease. (I think most normal people have this!)
Dutchphobia- Fear of the Dutch. (“I’m Dutch, isn’t that verid,” thanks Austin Powers movie)
Ecclesiophobia- Fear of church. (Church scares me, not so much the place, as the people, does that still count?)
Ephebiphobia- Fear of teenagers.
Erotophobia- Fear of sexual love or sexual questions.
Eurotophobia- Fear of female genitalia.
Gallophobia or Galiophobia- Fear France or French culture. (Francophobia)
Genophobia- Fear of sex. (I think all teenagers should have this so we have less teen pregnancy!)
Germanophobia- Fear of Germany or German culture.
Geumaphobia or Geumophobia- Fear of taste.
Gymnophobia- Fear of nudity. (So, does that mean, they would also have the fear of sex?)
Gynephobia or Gynophobia- Fear of women. (only gay men must suffer from this!)

Wow, it just goes on and on and on! Check it out, it’s got some great stuff!

What are you afraid of?

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Ass, Gas, or Grass... Nobody Rides for free

So while surfing the web, I came across an awesome story on The Smoking Gun coming from my home state of Kentucky.

Apparently a man and woman were busted after a stake out at a Days Inn, arrested for prostitution. The man admited to paying for the woman's services, and paying for those servies in part with a $100 GAS CARD!! No, I'm not kidding, this really happened. The man was arrested for promoting prostitution, while the woman was arrested for propstitution, and not having an occupational liscense.

So, can you believe that? I can, sad times we're hitting with the ever rising gas prices. What's next, paying for hookers with grocery store gift cards? Grocery prices are shooting through the roof, why the hell not?

So, that got me going, what other fun things could I find on The Smoking Gun that had occured in Kentucky. Well, apparently some real good ones.

This couple was arrested after taking pictures of their 2 year old son SMOKING POT. The couple was arrested after the person running their local photo developing place came across the photo. Apparently, they came across the offending photos and immediately called the cops. The pictures show the man holding the pipe to the childs mouth and another man lighting it up. The couple's one year son was also taken into care by the State.

To add insult to injury, while in jail, their home was robbed. Teach them both a very important lesson.

they both look completely stoned out of their minds in this photo. It's no surprise that two skeezy stoners like that would decide to get their child high. It's ok to smoke pot, it's not ok to force it upon a child. There will be a day when your child is ready to smoke pot, but you should wait about 14 more years!

I am a little disappointed there is not more info on this. I would really like to know what city it happened in, it said central Kentucky. My family lives in central Kentucky. I bet someone knows them!!!

Check out my next post for some fun mugshots!!

Monday, June 30, 2008

I'm A Dirty Rotten Theif

So I have taken to shuffling about other people's blogs, and I came across this. I thought it was a pretty cool idea, and perhaps I would take it on myself, so here it is....

The Mosaic Picture Meme
Originally from Bud who changed the rules slightly, but stolen from Kathy.
The Concept:
This Meme is all about the Mosaic Collage that you are about to build by answering the questions in this meme by using pictures! First what we changed: The meme we stole required the use of programs that you needed to register to use. So it was tied to you downloading two programs (and learning them…) Here we do the same meme, the exact same way, but leave you to your own resources. We also simplified the rules to allow a bit more creative (and speed!). So here we go:

1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Google Image Search or same type of search engine for pictures.
2. Using only the first page of results, pick one image. You can’t search forever for a certain image.
3. Copy and paste each in any program that you can post the pictures in a mosaic pattern. You can post them 3 X 4 or 4 X 3. We used Microsoft Paint below.

The questions:

1. What is your first name?… Linda
2. What is your favorite food?… Pizza (extra cheese, and deep dish, yummy)
3. What high school did you go to?… Leigh High School (I pray to never return to there again)
4. What is your favorite color? … Maroon
5. Who is your celebrity crush?… Trent Reznor (drool, I love him, for being a 40 year old man, I would do naughty naughty things to him!)
6. What is your favorite drink?… Cherry Coke
7. What is your dream vacation?… Sailing and fishing my way across the world
8. What is your favorite dessert?… Hot Fudge Sundae
9. What do you want to be when you grow up?… Veterinarian
10. What do you love most in life?… David, he's my love, my joy, my happiness. I would be nothing without him!
11. What is one word that describes you?… Odd
12. What is your blog name?… A Dazed Juggalette's Ramblings

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Wicked Clown In Me

Being a juggalette, a part fo me has this weird obsession with clowns, evil clowns. So while scoping out one of my favorite photoshop websites,, I stumbled upon not one, BUT TWO sections where people had turned celebrities into evil clowns. How awesome is that?

There are tons of these pictures, but these are the ones I found really cool. Check them out!

A very young, and very evil Christina Ricci. I think she would be stellar, even as an adult, in a seriously EVIL role.

I'm not very fond of Marilyn Manson, but I found this image pretty neat, and hauntingly true to his nature.

Liv Tyler, seriously hot to begin with, then as a clown. *drool* She would make an awesome juggalette. She looks uber hot all painted up.

Jessica Alba loks frightening in this picture, but so cool. Hard to even recognize it as her.

The one, the only, Christopher Walken. I love it, absolutely LOVE IT.

Bruce Willis, even more humpable as this. Yummy! (Sorry David!)