Friday, May 30, 2008

I Want To Thank You

Most of you know me to be very independant, strong willed, stubborn, and determined. However, I haven't always been that way. I haven't always been able to speak out the way I do know and express myself so easily. Last night I had a very deep and emotional moment. I was looking back at the men who have played important roles in my life. Men who have changed me, both for the good and for the bad. I was thinking about where I might be had I stayed with them, and how lucky I am to have moved on. In a few short months I get MARRIED, and if it wasn't for them molding me into the person I am now, I probably wouldn't be getting married to David. So, the following is to all the men I have ever loved and left.

To The Men Once In My Life-

In a few short months I will getting married. This has caused me to look back on my life, and look back upon you. Depite everything, you have held onto a small part of my heart for far to long. The fact that I can still picture your face frightens me. Sometimes I drive past where I knew you lived, wondering if I will ever find you there again, and if I did what you would say to me. I cannot lie, a small part of me still loves you, and always has. However, that is going to come to an end very very soon. I am putting this out because I want to thank you. Well, maybe not you exactly, but the things you taught me in an indirect sort of manner.

I want to thank you for teaching me to respect myself, and to demand respect from others. A man who doesn't respect me (as many of you didn't) doesn't deserve me. I am worthy and deserving of respect, and I shouldn't take disrespect from anyone, let alone someone who claims to LOVE me. A person who loves and respects me, won't try to hide me from the world, make me cover myself up, deny me my passions in life. I want to thank you for belittling me, denying me, disrespecting me, abusing me, yelling at me, cornering me, hating my friends, hating my music, and lying to me. Yes, you did all those things. Even if you don't want to admit it, you did. Well maybe not all of you, but one of you, maybe two of you. Don't lie to yourself, you know you did it. I'm not mad, I want to thank you. I am a better person because of you and what you did.

I want to thank you for teaching me not to take any shit. Once a liar, always a liar, pure and simple. I should have left you a hell of a lot sooner, I really should have. When I first figured out you were cheating, I should have left then. However, I thought you would change. I have learned from you, that once they get away with cheating, they will just keep cheating. People don't change, so don't take any shit. You wrong me once, cheat on me, lie to me, STEAL FROM ME, and that's it. No more, I'm done, you're gone, pack your shit and go! I know, you think in the back fo your head, you never meant to hurt me, but yes you did. Perhaps, you still claim to this day you never did a single thing wrong. Don't lie to yourself, you know you did. I'm not mad, I want to thank you. I am a better person because of you and what you did.

I want to thank you for teaching me all the ways love doesn't feel, so when I finally felt it, I knew it was real. Love doesn't sting, it doesn't burn, and it isn't a nervous feeling in my heart and at the back of my brain. It isn't being pushed, smacked, jerked around, left to walk home, broken, torn, lied to, lied about, or any of things that were done to me. It is being held, kissed, snuggled, shown off, and honesty. It is everything you never were, and I always wished you could be.

There is only one of you I regret what happened, and he is the only one I still talk to. To him, I am sorry. To him I say farewell. You stole a big part of me, and even if you don't realize, you have that part locked away. When I think of you with her, it still kinda stings, and I have to bite my tongue. I am sorry for what I did, leaving you the way I did, but the long distance was tough, and I was so confused. Thoughts of you still plague me at times, but I push them to the far recesses of my mind. You were the first man to truly love me for me. You accepted me and all of my faults. You loved me unconditionally, and I took that for granted. I pushed aside the love you had for me, for something more tangible, and that I regret. However, from you I learned a very important lesson, don't let true love run away, and sure as hell don't push it away. I have found true love once again, and I am going to hold onto it for dear life, because it is more precious then any jewel, any amount of money, or anything tangible. I thank you the most, which is why this hurts. Good-bye Jose, good-bye! We cannot be friends anymore, we cannot talk anymore, we cannot associate anymore. I want you gone, far, out of my life. I cannot have you be a thought anymore, so long as you hold that place in my heart, David will never be able to have the whole thing.

So, to you all, I say farewell. This is your eviction notice. On August 9, 2008 you will forever be evicted from my life. I hope you are a better person without me. I hope that you all are leading the lives you deserve. I pray you learned from our relationship, I know I did. I am better without you, I am better with David.


Thursday, May 29, 2008

The World Of Modifications

As I am planning to finish my tattoo tommorrow of "Doornail Dorothy" it has gotten me thinking about the world of body modifications. The above is a picture of the seemingly newest fad, EYEBALL JEWELRY. After stumbling upon this, I did some research to find out how this is done, and why the hell would someone stick something on their eye. God, it hurts just having an eyelash in my eye, imagine something permanent. *Shivers* Ewwwww....

So, thanks to the wonderful Wikipedia, this is what I came up with (see the full article here: Eyeball Jewelry):
"An extraocular implant (also known as eyeball jewelry) is a cosmetic implant involving a tiny piece of decorative jewelry which is implanted within the superficial, interpalpebral conjunctiva of the human eye."

So, what does that mean. Well, that means they impant this in the membrane that covers the white part of your eye. Which then makes me wonder, what keeps this thing from floating around? What keeps it from drifting around your eye. More ewwww... But is it legal here in the states? Wow, Wiki even answers that...

"Its legality outside of the Netherlands is currently untested. However, several jurisdictions in the US have already supported bills to ban the procedure even though it hasn’t become available in the US yet. On March 6, 2005 an Illinois state committee approved a bill banning the procedure. Infraction could result in a penalty of up to three years in prison."

Three years in prison for performing this? Wow.. pretty tough. But then again, you could make someone go blind (tee-hee, so many possible jokes here, but I will try to remain serious!). I continued to read the article, despite my gut telling me not too. The next title was, "Procedure." They're seriously going to tell how it's done. >.< "The procedure is relatively quick, but it does require that both eyes be immobilized with anesthetic drops, and that the layers of the eyeball where the implant is situated must be separated by the injection of liquid. As very few people have undergone this procedure, and it is relatively new, the long term health effects are currently unknown.
However, the Website of the
Netherlands Institute for Innovative Ocular Surgery states that the implant does not interfere with the ocular functions, i.e. the visual performance and motility. As well, patient satisfaction remains high and no side effects of the treatment have been noticed with a follow-up of more than one year."

OK, so the "website" from the Netherlands says there have been no side affects. But since when do we believe anything we read on the Internet. If I believed everything I read, and everything I read was true, then I would have lost weight just by sitting on the couch, and my boobs would be the size of watermelons. All people would have chiseled abs, and we'd all be millionaires. I think for now, I like my eyes the way they are, ugly brown! I love body mods, but I think that is taking it a bit far.
Anyway, if anyone reading this has one, please let me know. I would love to know what it feels like, and if you've had any problems. My curiosity is going to be the death of me.

Sooooo... now that I am done with that, on to my next point. Crappy tattoos, and good tattoos. Since I am planning to dedicate an entire leg to psychopatic work, I went out looking at tattoo stuff. I stumbled upon a hilarious site, Bad Tattoos. This site has pictures of some of the WORSE tattoos I have ever seen (they even make Anthony's bullet that looks like a dildo look good). Anyway, here are some of the pictures I picked as the best of the worse. Check them out:
So apparently this is suppose to be a Unicorn. Where'd it go? Is this a rorschach test? If so, I see two bunnies. Yep, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

Playboy bunny in a field of.... zits... herpes... EWWWW... Nasty bunny.

Marvin the Martian is pretty cool, but it looks like a 3 year old has colored him in with crayons.

Dolphin? Whales? Big whale? WTF?

Ariel on crack?
What a way to remember the 80's with some random big hearded bimbo tattooed poorly on you. WTG!!

Anyway, so that was my moment of zen, looking at all those crappy tattoos. But I did find some cool ones that I will use as creative fodder for my next series of tattoos. Anywa, here are some ideas I have been brewing (with the help of the amazing Jamie and her BRILLIANT ideas) for my next couple of pieces for my psychopathic leg.

1. Santa Claus is a Fat Bitch- imagine badder santa, but a big fat drunken santa, sitting on the shitter, pants around his ankles, porno mag next to the shitter, and a 40 in a red bag with the hatchetman on it.
2. Fat Sweaty Betty- total fat ugly BITCH. Hairy legs, fuckin empty box of pizza at her feet, with the hatchetman on the top of the box. Just sheer gluttony at it's finest.
3. Toxic Love (Roxy Carol)- Have this straight up skank, herpes infested hooker, with the toxic waste plant behind her, staring into a mirror that reflects a straight pin-up model in a field of flowers and happy bright shit.
4. Also thought about some portraits down my shin
5. Something with the joker's cards (any suggestions?)

Anyway, that completes this thought for the day. Enjoy!

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Laws: Abide or Abandon?!?!

Today is a day where my brain is running in circles and thinking about nothing, yet everything at once. It seems to have taken a detour from the normal, and ventured down a path I rarely travel. It has picked it's destination, LAWS.

We've all read the comical, insanely pointless laws that most states had at one point. Although those are cool to know about, what about more of the common laws. What's the point? If they aren't really enforced, why do we have them? And better yet, what about the laws that prevent stupidity? Why have those in affect? All it is doing is flooding the already polluted gene pool!

First off, this law is enforced, but I sincerely believe it should be abolished. Why? Simply put, IDIOTS NEED TO DIE. In California you must LEGALLY wear a helmet while riding a motorcycle. Honestly, I believe California should be like many other states and have helmets be optional. I believe this will help California in a number of ways. First off, we'll have more organ donors. Honestly, if you don't wear a helmet while riding a motorcycle, all you are is a future organ donor. There are plenty of people here in California in need of your organs. Get rid of the helmet law, and watch all the idiots take themselves out, and people will get the organs they need. Also, California is WAY over populated. Drive down the freeway on a warm day and watch as TONS of idiots speed past you on their brand new sports bikes. They pay absolutely no attention to traffic, and have no respect for the bike. Imagine for a minute, they were riding without a helmet. They are bound to drop or lay that bike down eventually. When they do, BAM!, one less person in California. Actually, several less people in California. Because, that's 1 less person to reproduce! Yes! Score California! So, get rid of the helmet law and have more organ donors, and reduce the population. Good idea, let the idiots weed themselves out by not being smart enough to gear up properly!

Along the same ideas as the post above, I feel the same way about seat belts. I think seat belts, much like helmets, should be mandatory for people under the age of 18. Once you reach the age of being an "adult," then it's your choice if you want to die by flying out the windshield and being ran over. Yet again, it will have the same results as making wearing helmets optional. More organ donors, and a lower population. Sounds like a good idea to me. Although, this could mean more carnage on the road, which could mean more traffic. Honestly, I think the pros outweigh the cons though!

In the mean time, and no matter what, I will continue to wear my seat belt and my helmet. I like my organs the way they are, in my body!

The next, I have rather mixed feelings, and if anyone is actually reading my stupid blog, I would adore your feed back. Nudity in public. It is randomly enforced (typically only if there is a complaint), and I just can't seem to make my mind on it. Nudity is such a natural thing, the human body is such a thing of beauty (and I don't mean in a sexual way!). I think one should have the right to wonder around their backyard, and general area of their house in the nude. Honestly, I believe people should have the right to be nude whenever and wherever they please. But, here comes the part that messes me up every time, violence. If a woman was to go shopping alone in the nude, it is almost a guarantee that she would be assaulted in some way. This is sad. If a woman will be assaulted walking down the street fully dressed, I imagine nude would just be a fiasco. Why is this? Well, it's because of the way we as Americans have been raised. Nudity is seen as a simply sexual matter, and not the honestly natural act that it really is. But, alas, since the people of our society seem to only be able to associate nudity with vulgarity and sexual matters, it will remain something allowed in very restricted circumstances, and only enforced when someone complains. This is a law I will abide only when others are looking!

General traffic laws just annoy me. I see so many people fail to use their turn signals, make illegal left hand turns, park in no stopping or no parking zones, fail to yield, run stop signs, unsafe lane changes, tailgating, and of course, speeding. Of these, in my eyes, speeding is the least dangerous. Your typical speeder who gets a ticket is only doing about 80. In most freeways in California, this is the speed of traffic. They aren't being reckless (following too closely, changing lanes unsafely, or otherwise putting others at risk). Yet speeders seem to be what cops crack down on the most. Why? Is it because they are an easy victim? Is it because the fines are higher? Or is it because cops are just LAZY!!! Take your pick, their probably all right. I know cops say they don't have a "quota," but I beg to differ. Speed traps are stupid, a waste of time, and a needless use of our police force! Crack down on the people who change lanes suddenly, tailgate people on motorcycles, who don't signal before turning or changing lanes, run stop signs, fail to yield for pedestrians, and otherwise actually put people AT RISK. Your typical speeder is someone like me, who otherwise drives respectfully. I use my turn signals, I come to full and complete stops, I yield for merging traffic, I allow motorcycles extra room to pass, I respect myself and other drivers, I just tend to do it at 80 or 90 mph. Does that make me a bad driver because I speed? No. I don't tailgate, I don't get impatient because traffic slowed down, and I don't put others at risk just because I want to go fast. I just cruise. Yet I am the person most likely to get popped by the cops. Is this fair? No, but what in life is? So, equally enforce all traffic laws, or abolish all of them. Level the playing field! Grrrrr....

Finally, I'm not a racist and I'm not a sexist but I think that Affirmative Action should be abolished. It's really not fair. People being hired simply to meet quotas, and not really based upon their skills. Women being hired simply to fill a quota, simply to be a statistic, not because they are valued as a person, as an employee. I sincerely believe that Affirmative Action just reinforces racism and sexism. It says "We know you're inferior, so here, we'll give you a leg up!" Hell no! How about this, from here on out, all job interviews will be done interogation style. There will be a plate of one way glass between the interviewer and the person applying for the job. The person applying for the job can see the person interviewing, but not vice versa. In that case, you will be judged simply upon your skills. No name on your resume, nothing to denote sex, or ethnicity. Hah, now the field is leveled. Screw that, that's too much work, how about we try this. Apply for job, if you don't get, don't be a whiney ass little cry baby, go apply for another one. Yeah, that works!

I'm sure I could continue on like this all day, but my brain is starting to veer off to a new subject. Until the next time, stay classy blogspot!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Welcome! Tickets Please.....

You must be at least 5'8" and over the age of 18 to ride this ride. Do you qualify? No.. oh well...

So I created this blog spot for a number of reason. And here they are... in no particular order...

Q. I hate blogging on myspace lately
15. MyJuggaloSpace is pissing me off
Square. I wanted to blog someplace where no one really knew me
Green. I wanted to be able to blog at work
Jr. I was bored (perhaps that was the only true reason)

So, a little about me (although I sincerely doubt much of anyone is actually reading this crap)....
I am 23 years old, from San Jose CA. I was born and bred in Louisville, KY. I am doomed to get married in a few short months to the love of my life, my bitter half. Not quite entirely sure how I feel about it, but we'll breach that subject later!

I am an animal lover, I have a small zoo to say the least. I am always getting in trouble for bringing home a new animal, or lately a new orchid. But, orchids aren't animals... oh well.... I like them! They're pretty, and they don't talk back.

As I'm sure you've figured out by now, my mind tends to wonder off a lot and jump about. Very rarely do my thoughts actually complete one another. Typically they move from moot point to moot point. Oh well, I enjoy my brain like that. Always something new right around the corner.

Anyway, work is almost over, and someone just sent me up shit creek. Toodles!