I Want To Thank You

Most of you know me to be very independant, strong willed, stubborn, and determined. However, I haven't always been that way. I haven't always been able to speak out the way I do know and express myself so easily. Last night I had a very deep and emotional moment. I was looking back at the men who have played important roles in my life. Men who have changed me, both for the good and for the bad. I was thinking about where I might be had I stayed with them, and how lucky I am to have moved on. In a few short months I get MARRIED, and if it wasn't for them molding me into the person I am now, I probably wouldn't be getting married to David. So, the following is to all the men I have ever loved and left.

To The Men Once In My Life-

In a few short months I will getting married. This has caused me to look back on my life, and look back upon you. Depite everything, you have held onto a small part of my heart for far to long. The fact that I can still picture your face frightens me. Sometimes I drive past where I knew you lived, wondering if I will ever find you there again, and if I did what you would say to me. I cannot lie, a small part of me still loves you, and always has. However, that is going to come to an end very very soon. I am putting this out because I want to thank you. Well, maybe not you exactly, but the things you taught me in an indirect sort of manner.

I want to thank you for teaching me to respect myself, and to demand respect from others. A man who doesn't respect me (as many of you didn't) doesn't deserve me. I am worthy and deserving of respect, and I shouldn't take disrespect from anyone, let alone someone who claims to LOVE me. A person who loves and respects me, won't try to hide me from the world, make me cover myself up, deny me my passions in life. I want to thank you for belittling me, denying me, disrespecting me, abusing me, yelling at me, cornering me, hating my friends, hating my music, and lying to me. Yes, you did all those things. Even if you don't want to admit it, you did. Well maybe not all of you, but one of you, maybe two of you. Don't lie to yourself, you know you did it. I'm not mad, I want to thank you. I am a better person because of you and what you did.

I want to thank you for teaching me not to take any shit. Once a liar, always a liar, pure and simple. I should have left you a hell of a lot sooner, I really should have. When I first figured out you were cheating, I should have left then. However, I thought you would change. I have learned from you, that once they get away with cheating, they will just keep cheating. People don't change, so don't take any shit. You wrong me once, cheat on me, lie to me, STEAL FROM ME, and that's it. No more, I'm done, you're gone, pack your shit and go! I know, you think in the back fo your head, you never meant to hurt me, but yes you did. Perhaps, you still claim to this day you never did a single thing wrong. Don't lie to yourself, you know you did. I'm not mad, I want to thank you. I am a better person because of you and what you did.

I want to thank you for teaching me all the ways love doesn't feel, so when I finally felt it, I knew it was real. Love doesn't sting, it doesn't burn, and it isn't a nervous feeling in my heart and at the back of my brain. It isn't being pushed, smacked, jerked around, left to walk home, broken, torn, lied to, lied about, or any of things that were done to me. It is being held, kissed, snuggled, shown off, and honesty. It is everything you never were, and I always wished you could be.

There is only one of you I regret what happened, and he is the only one I still talk to. To him, I am sorry. To him I say farewell. You stole a big part of me, and even if you don't realize, you have that part locked away. When I think of you with her, it still kinda stings, and I have to bite my tongue. I am sorry for what I did, leaving you the way I did, but the long distance was tough, and I was so confused. Thoughts of you still plague me at times, but I push them to the far recesses of my mind. You were the first man to truly love me for me. You accepted me and all of my faults. You loved me unconditionally, and I took that for granted. I pushed aside the love you had for me, for something more tangible, and that I regret. However, from you I learned a very important lesson, don't let true love run away, and sure as hell don't push it away. I have found true love once again, and I am going to hold onto it for dear life, because it is more precious then any jewel, any amount of money, or anything tangible. I thank you the most, which is why this hurts. Good-bye Jose, good-bye! We cannot be friends anymore, we cannot talk anymore, we cannot associate anymore. I want you gone, far, out of my life. I cannot have you be a thought anymore, so long as you hold that place in my heart, David will never be able to have the whole thing.

So, to you all, I say farewell. This is your eviction notice. On August 9, 2008 you will forever be evicted from my life. I hope you are a better person without me. I hope that you all are leading the lives you deserve. I pray you learned from our relationship, I know I did. I am better without you, I am better with David.

FUCK YOU!
Linda